the wedding day

i dont know?

as time pass by well it seems life is so difficult and i dont know what to do...there are a lot choices in life and it seems its hard to think and choose the best in life, there are hardships that comes along us and i know this are spices in life but it seems that i do want to surrender...huhh!!! its hard to solve every problems that i have in life...i dont know what to do now...

Blue Roses

who could give me these blue roses ?

a life to remember

I thought life is so easy. When I was young, I never had experienced problems that comes out my way, as long as I can eat and play all day life is so easy…I do have a happy family when I was still young, I am happy to have a responsible father and a loving and caring Mom…I don’t know any household chores…our life were so blest with bounteous blessings.
Until such time that there were storms comes out along my way.. .my Dad lost his job and he involved in gambling, that made our life goes down. And I have found out that we have lost those abundant things in our life…. I can’t buy the toys, dresses that I want….life becomes harder…
Until such time that happiness at home has been stolen with nightmare… My mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer and she was just given by the doctor one year to live, but cancer has strewn fast and live for just 6 months …everybody at home were horrendous about my mom’s case…she can’t be with us anymore…I was just 17 at that time…feel helpless and weak…My Mom’s gonna die? Its hard to accept the reality… but it is I guess Gods plan for us. Every time cancer will attack her…I almost died crying for pain, as I look at her…I keep on praying to God that my Mom would still be given a miracle…. I was actually praying to God that I am going to exchange my life for her…but it was not granted….I have hated God before, because I thought he was selfish…he didn’t answer my prayer…but as time goes by…I really need to accept the fact that Mom is now dead… it’s the pain fullest experience I ever had… I can’t live without my Mom..she is my strength, my guide, my ever loving best friend. I love her so much…she is the best Mom in the world….nobody can ever replaced her in my heart. There are times that I had miss her so much, hoping that she will come again to life…maybe I’m crazy about it..I know it will not happen anymore… and she will not be alive again…it took me 5 years to accept the reality …that she is totally dead and she is in good hands at heaven…although I keep on wishing that I can meet her even in my dreams… I grew up with full of love and care by my Mom…At my young age, I become more mature and become more closer to GOD… but there’s one thing that I hate most at that time when my Mom was lost…My father cannot recover from pain… he become so irresponsible …and he never take care of us anymore…leaving all his responsibilities to me…I become a mom and dad to my other siblings…. Its hard because I have focused myself in two..my studies and my responsibility in taking care of them… I never experience joy during my college years, instead I need to be serious to my studies since I am the only hope for my family… My father had engaged into different vices, he become a drunkard and had slept with different woman… I don’t know why he is doing that….I can’t understand him… and so I hated him so much…He never showed his love to us anymore and he keep on thinking of his own self…he was so selfish!!! There are times when I got to think of our situations, the pains, the hardships in life… I got to think of killing myself…I felt that I don’t want to live anymore…I wanted to commit suicide because I can’t take it …. Life is so difficult… it seems that nobody loves me …. Aside from my mom…. And I always miss her so much…
My hangout is always at the church, because whenever I am there it makes me relieved… JESUS is my only strength… I cried to him whenever I can’t take the pain anymore… And so I just continue to study hard, since my only inspiration is my family… and offer everything to my MOM…
At last I had finished my studies… I graduated CUM LAUDE but I was never happy…. Because that’s my Mom’s ultimate dream…she wanted to put up my medal during my graduation… .. Tears always flowed out from my eyes… as I remember her… her beautiful face and sweet ways in caring us…. Wishing she is still alive…. Wishing to meet her again…. But I know it will never happen…..
Its hard to live without a Mom who nurtures us in everything…Nobody have shield me whenever I need her… I have no Mom to cry on her shoulder… I was so young and helpless… but I have overcome everything in Life…
Life needs to go on, and waves into the flow of the river…
I worked hard all day…to face those trials… and become responsible to my brothers and sisters….

to the readers...

i wish that those who have read my story, people will not judge me as who i am , but instead understand me as a person...its hard for me to recover from my past... but i am tryimg my best to survive....
i hope this will lead me to my justice in life...and that i can gain my self-esteem and my confidence that was lost...i know its hard but i am trying my best to fight and face the reality in life.

AT first, I thought life is worthless but in the end its worthwhile…

I was hired by the school where I graduated…they hire me as high school English teacher…
well thinking that the adversity stops as soon as I got my job…but I have encountered more trials in life…they become even worst… I felt in love and experience to be broken hearted.. many times
At first… I was actually looking for a father image and so I have fallen in love to older guys… but I was wrong…because the relationship never works… until such time that I though it was a soul mate and the answer to my prayer… there was an intelligent guy who courted me, and I had like him too….I thought he will lead me to marriage but he had stolen everything from me…My life, my soul, my self-esteem and even my confidence… He got all those things from me…. And left me worthless…. IT was the greatest nightmare that comes in my life…… its hard to accept the reality so I decided to commit suicide… HE had stolen everything from me… it happened to me at Christmas time… it was late in the afternoon that I had prepared my suicidal letter and got a sharp blade to cut my pulse… I locked my room and I started to pray.. to prepare myself to death …. I wanted to die at that time… until suddenly my stepmom saw me… I cried out loud because I don’t want to live anymore…she hugged me tight… and listens to my woes…. I told her everything…. I lost myself… and at that moment my stepmom become closer to me..and she is the only one who understands me and never judge me as who I am…instead she becomes my confidante… My father never knew about everything from me…its only my stepmom… she raise my self esteem…but its hard to pretend that I lost my confdence.. .thinking that no guy will accept me anymore…because of the worst nightmare… I was just like the crazy woman after that incident when I wake up…I was helpless… I keep on crying….i lost myself………that’s why I wanted to die… nobody knows what happened to me. .even my family ,my brothers and my sisters… I kept it into myself… and after that incident I thought no guy will love me and accept me as who I am………
But I still continued to live and survive… after two months… I was almost dead when I met an accident… a bombed explode in Gaisano mall where I just passed by…...The splinter of the bomb struck my arms and blood flowed out from it…I was almost wet with my own blood…it flows like a water… I was brought to the hospital by the people.. … I cried for pain…. The doctor had injected me two vials of novaine but I struggle for my breath , I can’t breathed… so they rush me to the operating room and got the oxygen to place it to my nostrils … I still keep on struggling for survival….. As I was at the operating room… the doctors got panic because I almost die for a few minutes… I knew it …because I have gone to the place that I really don’t know…It was so dark and nobody was there except Jesus who was standing with his back at me…. I never saw his face… because we was standing backward… and I have learned to remember all the things that had happened to me…. My suicidal attempt … and everything has flash back… and I have learned that there are lots of people who have cared for me… my students were there, my relatives, friends , neighbors were outside the hospital waiting for me to come out from the operating room… there were people crying and praying for me because they don’t want me to die…
The accident gives me a second chance of life…it reminds me that there are lots of people who loves me and cares for me. my family, my father was there beside me and never leave me and never sleeps and waits for me until I wake up from my operation… The operation ended for four hours… I was moved from it, because I know GOD loves me so much…HE doesn’t want me to die yet…because he has still a lot of plan for me… and so after that incident…after those things that happened to me.. I learned to value life… I have survived from it… and I know LIFE would still go on… Facing a new beginning… Facing and waiting Gods good plan for me… I offer everything to God… my life and my whole being… I knew that inspite of everything I know people around me loves me so much…. I have already forgiven the guy who stole my dignity
I know that there will be someone who will accept me as who I am…whatever Gods plan for me…I will accept it…because I know God has prepared everything for me… I will just wait for it…and just enjoy my everyday life…pray everyday to GOD to Jesus… to lead us into the right path…
I keep on praying to give me strength that there will be more people who will accept me and believes in me … I am now helping myself to gain confidence…and starting to face a new challenge in life…..

I know its hard for me to publish my life story in blog.. but I want the people to learn and be inspired from my experiences..

“The Plight of Mindanao… for Peace”

What is Mindanao?
Why are there people (specially living in some other areas in Luzon and Visayans) who have been anxious of the places in Mindanao? What makes it dreadful? Isn’t because of the hearsay that Mindanao is a place of rebels? Or because of the prior war of the Moro National Liberation Front (MILF) and the Government of the Philippines (GRP)?
I have been living here in Mindanao all my life. And I have traveled in some other places in the Philippines, but I found out that Mindanao is really my home. I can’t exchange my place into any other place in any other part of the Philippines. This is my home, even though that I have been a victim of an explosive. “Yes” and I realized that its not really easy to fight over with this kind of combustible, this would really trigger our precious lives, even though when you are young, old, rich or poor, you can’t escape from this since it will just end you up injured.
But why is it that there are those who would like to spread violence in our place? But what is Mindanao this time? The Armed Forces are doing their part in internal security aspect They want to have physical and psychological stability in Mindanao, particularly in Region XII.
I have been to Awang, Cotabato asking officers telling me about the peace and order situation in Mindanao.
According to Philippine Army, Col. Mario F. Chan, (JSC) Chief of Staff 61 PA; Mindanao can stand alone by itself, since it has a lot of natural resources, its potential is very high, and some political leaders said that Mindanao is the one generating prosperity of products in the Philippines and yet they are just getting 38 % of the entire budget and Mindanao is providing almost 60 % to the national government and then they’re just imparting back 38 % to Mindanao. Well I think that forfeits Mindanao. Because they are trying to push for federalism so that Mindanao would generate all the income and then it can move economically.
The natural resources of Mindanao are complete, and it can stand alone as what Col. Chan said. But having the internal conflict for 30 years or more historically. But it is not easy to end the conflict though the Armed Forces are germinating the peace process, they are looking in a strategic level and with the assistance of the (OIC) Organization of Islamic Communities like Organizations of Islamic Countries. Now Malaysians and the Brunei government including Libya have sent their representatives to overseen peace process here. From the very high level of violence that happened from year 2000 it went down so much, so low that even the National Economic and Development Authority (NEDA) is now telling the positive growth of the economy and it settle down a lot in terms of peace and order is concerned. Because the GRP and the MILF had respected the cease fire agreement and the level of confidence between the two parties have increased so much with the participation of Malaysia and the International Monitoring Team (IMT) which it is not under the auspices of the United Nation, but it is under the arrangement where the Philippines entered into the OIC and some ASEAN countries. Since Philippines is looking forward not to shed blood with our internals by the International terrorist, which means that the MILF will not be tagged as a terrorist group.
Looking back at their history at some point in time, they coordinated and got some support from Osama Bin Ladin because of Muslim brotherhood.
The Americans are still considering MILF as a terrorist group, but the President of the Philippines, Gloria Arroyo said that they are not terrorists.
One of the good developments is that there is no breakaway group from the Philippine Army, because almost 5,000 among the troupes of the MNLF got to be integrated with the Philippine Army due to the peace agreement. And they are treated as an Officer of the Philippine Army, as an enlisted man and they are accepted and treated equally. And they are already serving the Philippine government because they contrast their experiences from Nur Misuari.
Several times that the AFP had won in military combats, from year1999, 2000 and up to 2003 which have the worst dilemma occurred. But still AFP won against them. As of now, peace process is still on operation.
But as Mindanaons, how can we promote peace towards our very own place? Do you think a simple citizen can advocate peace?
Try to look at ourselves, aside from the bomb explosions and massive killings in the known cities in Mindanao, there are crimes exist, due to drug addiction and rebellion. But, what help can we bestow?
Peace begins within ourselves, if we just allow ourselves to have harmony and serenity within us, we can commit our plight for peace.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty woman wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I ‘m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my step,
The curl of my hips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman ,
that’s me.


I walk into the room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman that’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally,
Phenomenal woman
that’s me


Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘cause I’m a woman
phenomenally .
phenomenal woman
that’s me. (Maya angelo)



I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as “making a life”.

“I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.”
“I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.”

“I’ve learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.”
I have learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said , people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel

You Can Never Be Too Careful

You can never be too careful,
that's what I always say,
and so I wear a hat, or two,
in case my hair turns gray.
I've thirteen tires on my car,
in case I get a flat.
I wear my pants size fifty-three,
in case I grow too fat.

You can never be too careful,
I'm sure you'll find it's true.
I see the doctor every day,
in case I catch the flu.
I carry twenty handkerchiefs,
in case I have to sneeze,
and forty seven bandages,
in case I skin my knees.

You can never be too careful,
so if I take a walk,
I tiptoe everywhere I go
and whisper when I talk.
I hide my money in a box,
and lock it up inside Fort Knox.
My house is made of bricks and rocks.
The front door has a hundred locks.

But now I have a problem, see,
I'm locked inside without the key.
I've lost it and I can't get free.
I hid it much too carefully!
--Kenn Nesbitt

Mom ...can we talk? ...just for a while

My Child, where are you? I have heard my Mom's voice calling at me in the dark...I am here ,Mom.... by the way Mom? Where are you? MOm I was almost shouting! wait for me!!! Wait!!! I need to talk to you!!Please listen to me!!! just a talk only a sec. Dont you have a heart for me?
My mom is always like that, maybe he doesn't love me or maybe she forgets me and doesn't have time for me anymore, I am alone sitting along the shore under the moonlight when tears comes out rolling on my cheeks, I am crying now, remembering the memories that I have with her.
I remember those happy days , when we were together, she was the one who takes care of me, she combs my hair , packs up my things for school and now, where is she?
As I watch the sea foams laps the shore, I found out that I almost died crying. Yeah! I cry and cry remembering our happy memories together. I even ask the angels and the cherubs in heaven that God will allow me to talk to her....but how?
Maybe its not yet time. Mom died 13 years ago , but i still keep on wishing on the stars that she will be with me, just even one day, listening for my gripe , thats why i need to talk to her.
Maybe i am just jealous for those who still have their Mom alive...A mom who is loving and caring, I usually get hurt when i heard sons and daughters who had a fight with their own mom. you have given them heartaches guys, and you can be assure that benedictions will come to you.If they will be gone forever, you will really miss them,and you will not see them anymore, and it is so painful. What I have experiencced right now is the pain and grieve that I can't explain, wishing Mom would still be alive.

A Hero in Combat

Through the hottest heat of the sun, till the coldest breeze of the night, a soldier travels in combat as they pledge their lives to our country.
They fight with brevity and integrity for us. As I look at them, I thought that they have no heart as they killed their enemies. Are soldiers bad? As the commandment says, “thou shall not kill”.
But being a soldier is not an easy task. They offered their lives to our country in the field. By spending sleepless nights, bringing their heavy weapon and bullets, in full armor gear. While walking in the forest, with grassy and muddy way. They go in combat with rumbled feelings. Will they succeed? Or… will they be alive? Can they go home with a cheerful smile and hold their love ones into their arms?
As they are marching with their troupes, on battle, they bring with them their prayers, and without even thinking of what will happen to them after the war.
Every bullet shot to their foe is equivalent to a prayer. Their enemies are also human. Just imagine their lives! They do not know who will fall down in every struck by a bullet. But every opponent falls, a tear rolls down into their cheeks as they mumble their prayer. Still pity burst forth from their good hearts, without surrendering, they still continue their quandary.
In combat, had felt all the pain, and grief and even hunger and thirst, but they did not complain, and still continue their job.

A tear falls down into my cheeks and my heart crumpled in pain as I saw an old soldier serving the country, bringing his heavy weapon into the war. I felt so much compassion in him. Just imagine he does all this things to serve his country, just to give food for his family, and even spending his precious life for our country.
They are our living heroes! They save our country from intense violence. Sometimes we have our negative impression towards them, maybe because there are those who abuse their power. But this man in uniform are working hard to gain peace, so that our dream for peaceful country will dwell.
They are our martyr living heroes, in our hearts, in our mind and in our soul.

My Senses All are Backward

My senses all are backwards
and it really makes me wonder
if on the day that I was born
somebody made a blunder.

For, strange but true, my senses
all got totally reversed.
Now everything I like the best
is what you'd call the worst.

I only like the smell of things
that frighten other noses.
I love the odor of a skunk.
I hate the smell of roses.

I only like the taste of foods
that cause most folks to shiver.
I hate the taste of chocolate.
I'm crazy over liver.

I'm not too fond of music
but there's simply no denying
I like the sound of honking horns
and little babies crying.

I hate the feel of silky, velvet
softness on my skin.
I much prefer the way it feels
when sitting on a pin.

I hate the look of anything
that's really cute and snuggly.
The things I think are pretty
are what most consider ugly.

So let me tell you one more thing
before I have to go:
I think YOU are the most attractive
person that I know.

Yamashita Treasure in Gensan?

Are there people searching for the so called Yamashita treasure? Well we really don’t know? But there are existing mining’s of Gold being done in the Philippines. Well is it really true? Or are there really realities being found in it? We don’t know, maybe YES, or maybe NO well that’s what they think….and they are intended for their own opinions to believe. But there are rumors of secret maps, symbols carved in rocks and booby-trapped underground chambers filled with looted gold have decoyed treasure hunters to the Philippines for decades.
People had believed on by a legend that Japanese occupying forces squirrelled away billions of dollars' worth of gold bars and precious artifacts burgled from across Asia when they realized their empire was collapsing in 1945.
In a saga filled with chitchat of cover-ups and conspiracy, treasure hunters claim that although American forces spirited away much of the heap after the war, much of the loot remain unaccounted for.
But for how many years Yamashita treasure,is named after the wartime military governor of the archipelago, General Tomoyuki Yamashita, it is nothing more than a fable with no evidence to back up the swag hunters' bizarre claims.